How NOT to be a blind optimist
We’ve all heard of toxic positivity blinding you to the reality of a situation, so how can you avoid falling into this trap? Here are three things to keep in mind to avoid this pitfall.
Optimism ≠ positivity
You may not agree with me here, but I don’t believe that optimism and positivity are the same thing. Positivity is one end of a duality, and while you may think that optimism and pessimism are also a part of that, I would disagree. Optimism is not about always believing that everything is good and well. It is also not about the denying the reality that terrible things are happening all the time. To me, it’s about being able to see those things, and also understanding that there is more than that. To use the classic example of a glass half-filled with something liquid: the pessimist may emphasise the emptiness as somehow bad or lacking, while the optimist may express gratitude for what is there, and notice how there’s room for more. Optimism is looking for a way forward, while pessimism is a dead stop. Positivity aims to negate the so-called negativity; optimism understands that “positive” and “negative” are relative terms defined by subjectivity. Optimism is the mindset that you can learn from every situation, and move beyond it in a way that serves you.
Be real.
While reality can be daunting and overwhelming at times, we do ourselves no favours by ignoring it. Per my previous point of subjectivity, the essence of reality is neutral. It is our subjective perspectives that frame something as “positive” or “negative”. When you encounter an unpleasant — even horrifying — situation, aim to understand the reality of the situation outside of a good/bad dichotomy. Inspect and understand what offends and upsets you about the situation, and be critical here. Notice your emotional response by naming it. Taking a step back to review your subjectivity will give you some breathing room to take informed decisive action. Use your emotional response as fuel for the direction you want to move in. The optimist’s approach here is to understand that things aren’t always pleasant, happy and easy, but there is always room for improvement. Do you need to change your approach, or do you need to change your goal? Be real about what’s going on and what you can do about it.
Learn how to pivot
Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from those situations. The point of optimism (in my opinion) is to cultivate a sense of power within your life experience that comes from not lying there and taking it while life stomps all over your face. Sure, we don’t always have the power to fight back, but we usually have the power to choose at least one different course of action to take. If things aren’t working out, be curious rather than aversive. Ask yourself what value or lesson you can find in a situation, even if it’s as simple as clearly knowing where you don’t want to be. Then, ask yourself what needs to change so you can reach your desired outcome. Is the problem something external, or is it your expectation? We all need big goals to aim for, but the road to that big one is full of much smaller ones. Sometimes those don’t align, so you need to be open to shifting your goals to align with what’s going on in your situation.
Concluding…
It’s easy to dismiss optimism as something flouncy or fanciful rather than viewing it as a source of personal power. It’s also easy to be overwhelmed by what we deem “bad” in the world. My question to you is this: How do you want to live your life? Do you want to be a leaf swept up in the current with no agency or direction? Or would you rather be the captain of your vessel, charting a course and navigating the waters with intention? My answer is very clear to me.
